‘Arti push push,yes push a little more; yeah you are almost there’!
I always wanted to hear those golden words during my pregnancy and ever since I got pregnant, that was the phase that I was most excited about ! I wanted to feel that gush inside, maybe while making chapatis or in the middle of a walk; or while watching our favorite movie in a multiplex with the entire audience waving me a good bye, a good luck cheer, nearly filmy, nearly realistic!
But then God had other plans and I popped out two kids one by one both the cesarean way! Yes no signs of labor, blame it on the inadequate dilation, or zero self-efforts, my physically inactivity,a carefree diet, extra bulging weight, my fears, greedy gynecologist, yes may select any excuse if you wish to but this is my reality; nothing hidden. And even though my deliveries were a bit ‘un-natural’ like of every 3rd Mom delivering in the country, today I’m going to share some bits of my natural experiences about the time when I laid myself on that OT bench to attain the most cherished happiness of my life.
So let me take you directly to my 2nd cesarean as you might get bored with 2 parallel stories. So what’s so special and ‘not-so-good’ about a c-sec, often and even in my case the Gyne had already given me the hint! Hint that most likely I wouldn’t break my water or rush to the hospital at the wee hours so I had some liberty to plan my big date. And then we actually planned, we consulted to our family members, zeroed down a suitable date and time, even we checked hubby’s leave calendar and this way he could finish his priority tasks and put OOO in advance!
We even took the risk of moving to a new house just 4 days before my delivery and until 2 days I was driving with my bulge out to the ‘Banjara market’ with my FIL to purchase another shoe rack! Yes I was going all insane and Gaga about the fact that since I have already faced it, it’s going to be easy this time (atleast this is what everybody had told me). And as my daughter was just 2.5 years at the time of my second delivery so hubby needed to stay at home and so I pre-informed my Mom to come on the said date, directly in the hospital and stay with me while I could recover and get discharged. One day before my c-sec I booked the cab and did all my aneasthia and pre-opertation formalities, I was really unsure whether that all was to impress others about how easy a c-sec can be or labeling up my own fears who by that time had clambered up to the edge!
And after a gluttonous feast and fasting for 12 hours afterwards, I finally touched down my destine, I was going to deliver at half past two! Within few minutes I was transformed from a preggo to a patient; cannuala on my hand, needles on, make-up washed off, jewelries worn out, legs cleaned up and a sober face to wait for my turn. Yes there were so many surgeries happening that day and when the attendants brought me to the OT area on a wheelchair, I hurriedly kissed my hubby who wasn’t allowed to come inside. I thought it will be get over in an hour but then I was told to wait, OT wasn’t available. They parked my WC at one corner of the waiting room and smiled at me, ‘you need to wait’. And in those moments, I sensed that I’m going to be cut into pieces, again!
I got scared at this idea but I was also very sleepy as I hardly had any sleep the night before. At that point I suddenly wanted to run out, hug my husband and request him to take me home; I wanted to go back to my daughter who had no clue about where her Mommy had gone and why was she crying in the morning lifting her up with full tummy out? I wanted to cry inconsolably the very moment but there was an elderly patient lying next to me with a deep visible wound on his forehead, he was sleeping. I suddenly longed for a sleep but before I could rest my head, one of the doctors came to me and signaled his staff to bring me inside the OT.
And then as if things were in some auto-recap mode, I spotted him, with all the teeth equating with his cheeks, my anesthetic; the most important person for me who had to inject me to the level when all my pains would turn into mere hallucinations. He waved me a big hi but I was already in my half-sleep, still I could notice all. I saw a table full of medical equipment, all kinds of scissors, forceps, needles, knives, gloves, retractors (did I mention I had a thing for that?) and what not! And there I was surrounded with more than half-dozen people all ready to incise me, and there, in that moment, I still hoped for a kick, that ‘magical push’.
“I don’t need to be operated; look my baby wants to come on her own”; yes that was a just a wink in my mind
But there was hardly anyone to listen to me, they were meant to operate. The probabilities of VBAC were quite rare, tried that option before, I was still not dilated enough, I never felt any contractions, and 39 weeks had passed already!
’ Are you good?’, ‘You will be fine’, ‘you have done this before’; yes that my second experience but it was going to be the first time for my second baby.
I closed my eyes in vain and within seconds, I had started to feel that numbness once again.
I didn’t wanted to see those needles again, I was sure, I was going to cry!