Open marriages; last night I was scribbling over the internet and randomly this phrase popped up. As this term also starts with alphabet ‘O’ I decided why not to talk about it, so let’s go. But since many meaning of us aren’t aware about this term so let’s understand first its meaning
Open marriage is a form of non-monogamy in which the partners of a dyadic marriage agree that each may engage in extramarital sexual relationships, without this being regarded by them as infidelity, and consider or establish an open relationship despite the implied monogamy of marriage.This term was first coined in the form of bestfuture-seller generation book titled ‘survival Marriage: A New Life Style for Couples was published by Nena Oit’Neill and George O’Neill. It was on the New York Times best-seller list for 40 weeks. It has been translated into 14 languages and has sold more than 35 million copies worldwide according to the publisher. The marital suggestions in the book were largely conventional, even at the time. The New York Times writes that some of its “bolder suggestions [now] seem not so much daring as painfully naïve.“ The book stressed that women should lead meaningful lives, in alignment with feminist ideas.
We all are aware about feminism and it’s linkage startled me enough to debate that how open-marriage can support a feminist ideology? And even though those who supports open-marriages insists that it’s different from adultery or polygamy but just check the definition above and tell me how can it be different?
Here I agree that Open-relationship and open-marriage can be two different thing because till the time someone isn’t married; people explore their choices and may get involved into many relationships; even more than one at a time. Today being intimated to someone before marriage isn’t considered a taboo either, before marriage it’s regarded important to know and understand the opposite partner. But when it comes to wedlock which is a mutually agreed union between two individuals or their families; then how can we justify involving physically with a third person without any love or emotion, probably we don’t mix love with pleasure?
In open-marriages partners can mutually negotiate to have extra-marital affairs without getting involved in love and can enjoy with as many as partners that they may want to. Many of them lay conditions about excluding close friends, acquaintances for the hook-ups and meeting without the knowledge of family ( as they consider families are too orthodox to understand this concept) and enjoy their life but without at risk of falling in love!
Now imagine this,
You marry a guy only to find out later that he is impotent and then he tell you that okay, let’s move to open-marriages and you hook-up with anyone you want to but just stay in this marriage; Isn’t a perfect solution?
Or you are now married for years and one day your partner convinced you to start Open-marriage and gives you liberty to seek pleasure outside. And in sometime you find out that your partner was actually cheating upon you the entire time and fabricated it just to rekindle his old romance.
Or 4 years down your open-marriage you start doubting about your child’s DNA.
or 7 years later, you are diagnosed with a life-threatening infection like AIDS thanks to your spouse’s occasionally fling with another HIV infected partner.
And then you question yourself, why did you marry?
And if you research more about the open-marriages that you will find that in majority of the cases partners involved in such kind of agreement are not parents or they prefer to hide this reality from their children, family and friends so how can this be fundamentally justified? Probably they believe their marriages like living in with casual dating, link-ups and giving each other a lifestyle of staying in a bachelor pad.
But in a liberal world we fight for our basic rights and without any shame or hesitation so why there is need to hide?
Al that glitters is not a gold and what looks like a fascinating deal might not be the solution of our plights, marriage is afterall not an easy deal; it’s a lifetime commitment!
We marry because we want to spend our life with someone, and this is the reason we have work towards our relationship everyday to make it alive, fulfilling and cherished. While it’s inevitable that every marriage might not work but can open-marriage be a solution for all our marital issues; is it a tool for enhancing trust and mutual respect, well I’m still in doubt! I’m still left to do a lot more research about it but have you ever encountered such scenario amongst your friends and family, if yes please share your thoughts.
This blog is part of the #a2zblogchatter challenge hosted by Blogchatter and 15th in the series. Do follow for more such reads on love and relationships!
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