Judging others – two incidences that changed my life

We judge because we don’t understand others. We listen, speak, react, judge, justify our own thoughts as right rather than listening or understanding others and never realize how wrong we were till the time we undergo through the same thing!

Today I will talk about two such incidents, first when I judged someone and the second where people judged me with open eyes.

Year 2008 when I started my first job, I was recruited to work in a team of two managed by our male boss. Shreya, my other team member was actually my super-senior from college, very beautiful and newly married. I was always fascinated about her voracious smile, shiny jewels and the bright colors she wore at work everyday. But as I slowly progressed at work, there were numerous incidents when I found my work better than hers but the boss always used to prefer her over me. Maybe I was less experienced or she was more favored. And instead of focusing on my performance I began envying her; how lucky was she!

Shreya’s in-laws were based out a small town and since her husband had a moving job, so she decided to stay with her Mom for the meanwhile and continue her job from here. This way she could also spent some more time with her widowed Mom who was otherwise very lonely post their marriage and her husband visited her frequently. I was un-married at that time and the idea of a wife, her husband and family living in different cities really irked me; okay I know I wasn’t matured with my thoughts and I’m accepting that!

So basically as per me, she was enjoying her life. But one day I caught her weeping loudly in the conference room. She wasn’t too comfortable to share anything but never had any bitter encounter either so she continued. Our boss was harassing her from past few months now, trying to take her undue advantage and quite aware that neither she had her father alive or her husband there to back her. She was scared and had nobody to speak up to. ‘My husband will kill our boss if he will come to know about this’, she sobbed. I asked her why she never thought about to quit and go back to her in-laws. Yes, I was that immature to give her such kind of suggestions; pardon me. ‘I can’t, life isn’t so easy without a job adjusting with a new family’; she replied back and looked directly into my eyes.

That was the time I realized how wrong I was since the beginning. How we perform at work is a different thing and actually part of our KRA’s but we can’t steal someone’s right to work just because the person is feeling a little weak or can’t go as per our advancements. Ever since then I stood back with her. At one such point, our boss called us for a meeting and started pinpointing her mistakes. He left no chance to appraise me and demotivate her and even gave her a verbal warning. That was the time I left my cool and said bluntly on his face ‘Do you think I don’t know about your intentions,or if you believe I can be your next prey then you are completely wrong. Let’s just focus on the work because this is the reason we all are hired for, here!’

That was the first and the last time we spoke about that matter. I worked there for almost two years under the same boss while Shreya left us in sometime to handle her complicated pregnancy. Two more females joined our team later but I never did the mistake to judge anyone again. At work we all are equal irrespective of where we come from!

So friends, if you have managed to read by now, I will tell you one another incident when I became the victim and learnt my lesson at the same time

After my first job, next I joined a multi-national firm based in NCR with a bigger role and team to work with. Initially I found myself lunatic lunatic to understand highly advanced processes and colleagues but slowly I realized that we all were basically the same with average or above-average expertise and few things can came only with experiences so this is how learnt to adjust with the new set of responsibilities. I used to share a very good rapport with all my team members including Vicky whom I always found an extremely smart and helpful friend at the work. He was a star employee of the company and everyone loved him because of his good behavior. Soon we also developed a good rapport, I came to know about his family of two kids and a wife who were living in his hometown whereas he was staying here with his two younger brothers. I had also moved to my elder brother’s house and used to commute from there. So the work kept me glued in the office for hours sometimes even till 10 PM. And like any other team members, we (Vicky and I) also used to chat, eat, hang out and party together. One day our gang was giggling about a new movie release ‘Pyar Ka Panchnama’ and asked if I have watched the movie? ‘Please go and see there is one character ‘Charu’ who completely resembles with you’; I couldn’t understand but later on I was stunned to know how the office gang framed me as a selfish girl using her office colleague ‘Liquid’ aka ‘Vicky’ here for the office advances and at the same time maintaining long-distance relationship with her beau; directly implying about how to hande two guys at a time!

That incident shook me up, this is how we treat male and female colleagues in the office and judge someone when you can’t digest people happy and progressing. When other girls used to laugh or hang out for hours in the office and pack their bags on time, I used to dig my nose under the files and sipping cold coffees on my seat. I felt very bad and cried the whole night while talking to my boyfriend. But he made me realized that such pity things don’t matter. And why should I justify anyone? Months later when I got married, the same people wished and wanted to know more about my marital life; and I gave them a damn!

Today as a mother of two young kids I have now understood the basic concept of ‘judging others’. We judge when we are jealous, half-educated, immature, stressed and unhappy about our own self. Remove all these elements from your life and you will never judge anyone, try this!

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This blog is part of #BlogchatterA2Z challenge by Blogchatter, follow the hashtag to read more such stories based on the vivid themes by Bloggers:)

To read the previous blog, click here:

https://mydailycupoflife.com/2019/04/10/instagram-relationships-dont-feel-intimidated/

Image Source:
https://www.aspiringcounselorsclub.com/being-judgemental/

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Today I have started to live a new life. Today I aim to look beyond what's apparent and wish to explore a new world. Today I feel like to dive into an ocean of thoughts. Today I have realized that there was there was never any yesterday for me, its been always today!! My world encircles around my baby, biggy-baby (i.e my hubby) and my thoughts. Whether I'm free or occupied with stuff, I always think, dream about my thoughts, feelings and enjoy when my words gain visibility. I'm not any writer but recently I have fallen in love with writing and since then, this love is gaining momentum with every moment!! You can also read my blogs at : http://www.mycity4kids.com/parenting/droplets-of-thoughts-of-a-mum-wife-woman-and-much-more http://sweetberriesoflife.blogspot.in/

6 thoughts on “Judging others – two incidences that changed my life

  1. This needs a widespread hearing. Women, especially in India, are always judging others. I have been and still, am a victim because I am a widow and I live alone. If I even ask directions from a guy( even if he is younger than my son) I am labelled!!

    Like

  2. Thanks for sharing your experiences from both sides. The tendency to judge others is something we do without even realising what we are doing. We have made it acceptable to pass judgment on people without knowing ANYTHING about them and their circumstances… thanks for being honest, I pray I’ll be honest enough with myself to realise when and how I’m judging others. God bless you.

    Like

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