Hola friends, so if you have come to my page this implies that either you are in process of planning second or still skeptical about when to have a second child.
Before you read it further, let me tell you planning for the second child ( and when) was the most difficult decision of my life, yes and even harder than planning the first one!
It usually takes awhile to embrace the idea of being the mother of two children but for me, it all started the time when my daughter turned six months old. Every time I used to watch other siblings playing around; I always had one thing in my mind; should I or not! I started having the same conversations with my hubby to know his viewpoint about having a second child, see an early conversation is very important; it just can’t be an overnight decision!
And then we made our list:
- I had left my job after second delivery so Hubby was managing all the expenses.
- Being in a nuclear setup, I would certainly need an external help.
- My health that still was under the recovery and also my exorbitant weight.
- My daughter who was still on breastfeeding and majorly depending upon me for everything.
- My daughter hadn’t started any playschool so we will have to manager her chores.
- Her dependency on me and yes she was still need to be potty-trained (I have quoted it here as that time it was really a herculean task, of course not today!)
- We would need to move to a bigger house.
- Atleast one international trip before our daughter turns two (to save on her ticket)
- Future expenses including school, hospital, travel and personal expenses.
So it’s very important to list down your priorities. Looking at them I realized that the situations won’t change even if we are going to wait for another 5 years or more. Ofcourse we may save more money but by that point of time; our expense will be exceptionally higher as compared to today or 1-2 years from now.
And I used to get lot of frustrations managing my daughter’s stuff; “I can’t play around with her all the time” or “How to convince her to eat”. My husband encouraged me to calm down but I could never get over with my stress and at the end used to blame myself for everything. Either she wasn’t listening to me or I had been failing to understand her. But there is one thing I realized that she needed another company. I could have waited for few more years but I wanted a lesser age difference my kids.
Talking about my own experiences, I share an immense bond with my sister and always wanted my girl to have same rapport with her sibling. Having said that as I’m a very spontaneous person, I didn’t wanted my mind to change; I didn’t wanted to turn selfish about my body to not let it stretch again! You may find my reasons petty to plan a second one, but see at the end everyone has to make her own call and with passage of time; my desire to have second one escalated further.
Now talking about my career, I had already taken a sabbatical. Yes it’s stressful when you aren’t earning and its even more intimidating to check your fellow friends scaling new ladder both professionally and monetarily but I was through with the idea of freezing my career again in the middle if few years down the line I decide to go for a second baby! Again I said it’s your call, and so I decided to place my call on hold for another 1-2 years!
Lastly I will also mention about my health, during first pregnancy I gained almost 20 kgs and I realized that I wasn’t doing justice with my health and before I conceive again, I really needed to strengthen my core. And make health and fitness a pertinent part of my lifestyle.
So as the few months passed, we met out gynecologist who advised us to wait atleast 18 months before I conceive my second child as per the WHO medical advisory.
SO that was it!! I joined the gym quite sooner after it, and started focusing on myself. I realized that if I’m going to be pregnant again; I better start myself serious and be more accountable. I even planned the itinerary of our first International trip together to Croatia and that proved out as a new beginning for us!
YES raising a second one can be more expensive but gradually we learn to manage our expenses maybe few diners or shopping or few reductions here and there. But honestly at the same time it’s a rewarding experience. There are times when I watch myself with amusement, the nights when I couldn’t sleep or when my both kids fight and scream at each other; but at the end it’s all nice and I feel this is all what matters to me!