I had two C-sections. The first happened 2.5 years ago and even though I was optimistic about VBAC this time, eventually it turned out to be a planned Cesarean again!
I couldn’t sleep the night before my big day; I patted my little girl to sleep, kissed her ceaselessly and then I sat in her room till 1:00 AM. I don’t remember what exactly I was thinking that time; I was probably just hovering around her toys and thinking how things will change her from the next day with the arrival of a little intruder. Later when I came back to our room, hubby was still awake. I soon dozed off to sleep in his arms; he needed no words.
The next morning was a bit rush, we had to reach hospital by 10:00 Am to complete the admission formalities. We sneaked out quietly so that our daughter couldn’t see us. She was with her grandparents holding her favorite book. Though it was a challenge for them to manage her initially; as she insisted for my presence right from diapering, feeding, playing or sleeping. But slowly she began to mingle up with them; that left me a little hopeful.
Ironically my fears were just a step away.
Within few minutes as I got admitted in my room, my hand got adorned with the drip; in a moment I turned from a Mum to a patient again.. There were plenty of doctoral papers I had to sign, all sorts of doctor came in for the assurance. In nutshell I was made ready for the holy incision.
I tried my best to be awake before the surgery, actually I was waiting for my turn while the doctors kept chatting and buzzing around. Hubby wasn’t allowed inside the OT area, and though he had promised to bring our daughter after the operation ; I wasn’t sure whether he will keep his promise. I kept shivering the whole time, c-sec was just few mins away…And then suddenly someone ignited the show..
Anesthesiologist injected his dose on my back, I cried and resisted; but someone held me back again and patted me to lie down. A thick ray of light shone right at my face. and all I could feel and see were whispers. I wanted to sleep heavily but before it I wanted to hear my baby’s first cry.. Still scuffled, amidst the doctoral backdrop; I heard a tiny bawl of my baby. I realized I’m not alone; he is with me and we will be together forever.
“Congrats Arti, your family is complete”; someone said
I seriously had no clue whether it was boy or girl; it may sound a little religious but before I went unconscious, Shiva floated in my mind and I just thought that if it’s going to be a boy; we will name his after him.
After an hour or so as I began to regain my consciousness I realized I was still shivering with traces of pain that grew stronger and stronger with every passing moment. I couldn’t see properly but a team came and shifted me to another bed and that was the point I felt a painful jerk right in my belly. I realized my womb has completed the show and it’s the time for twinge. As the ward guys shifted me to our room again all I wanted was to cry and scream but as there were familiar voices around me; I felt extremely shy and literally hid my face.
And there I saw my little girl in the hubby’s arms; for her it was a complete shock to watch me in a bed-ridden state and crying; in no moment she outburst ed, came out of hubby’s arm and ran towards my bed. For the next 3 hours, she dared not moved an inch and sat right next on the top of my hospital bed. She yelled the moment someone from the doctor’s team barged in to check me and shouted everyone to go out.
I had books, gifts, chocolates, nursery rhymes, TV, coffee, juice everything but she denied profusely everything for me. That moment I realized how lucky I’m!
With my broken strength I gave numerous hints to my hubby to take everyone outside the room except him and our girl. As my mother came in; finally I told her to go out with rest and have a cup of tea first. As everyone went out;I asked my sweet muggin hubby to tell me if it’s a girl or boy. I upsurged my tears again as our eyes met and he held my hands. All my life I never felt a disparagingly yearn to hug him as I needed it then.. My whole body felt lifeless; I felt as I will never be able to getup again!
Thou says time heals everything. That night I wasn’t fed anything not even a drop of water. While my complete body was soaring, I lied in 180 degree position flat on my bed for the complete night. My girl wasn’t around me, my hubby (my pillar of strength) couldn’t stayed with me as either of us had to be with our daughter at home and neither I could fed my little boy; I was not alive that night.
And the next day things began to move slightly. Within 22 hours of the operation they removed the catheter and the physiotherapist came and made me stand- walk for few steps. My mind was moving left and right; one moment I thought I ‘m the most weak person on the planet and the very moment my inner -self awakened my spirits. How can I give up- I’m the Mother of two little ones now!
One waiting for me back at home and another wrapped up and lingering in the hospital cot.
Time flies and every passing breathe fuses a deeper energy in your soul. It’s been a month now and I had fair share of pains, scratches, sleepless nights and discomforts; trust me I still have!
But the power of being a mother can overshadow every pain of this planet; as a Mum you need to be keep going. You might joke if I’m the only one who gave birth to a child; but all I want to say you is that every Mum that you see or brush-a-side is an epitome of strength on her own!
And those who still believe C-sec is un-natural or easy; I feel pity for their thoughts. Ya In c-sec you know when and how you will give birth but at the end all it matters is that you have become a Mother. And right from conceiving, carrying and growing the baby in womb for 9 months; there is no difference in your love and care as a Vaginal/ Cesarean Mum. There is sufficient proof proof of a job well done no matter how a child comes into the world.
And I still don’t understand those who claim themselves as a natural birth-giver. This is kind of same discrimination as who claim to breastfeed their child or those who don’t. Or those who send their kids to daycare and those who don’t. Or those resume work after birth and those who don’t. I mean is there really any competition in it?
Would love to read your birth stories, please share the link.