I was equally excited and tired to attend a close wedding last week in home town. My small daughter was the centre of attraction for everyone and I went flooded with advises and preachings that you all are acquainted too. And while I watched my baby smiling in someone’s arms, one of the old lady whispered to me”Beta, this is the right time to get achotu bhaiya for her”. My MIL standing beside me added quickly- “I will take care of her so you can focus on next”. I just listened and continued to stare at my doll again.
A woman in India feel some kind of pressure all the time. Right from the childhood- how to be a good daughter, then to get a good job so as to find a perfect match, then learning all the marital stories to demonstrate traits of best daughter-in law then being a mother and to become a mother again.
I found no harm in planning a second baby but who will decide the right time- will it be me, my age, my situation or my family?
We all get trapped to such questions nearly everyday if we have even minute thought to plan next one. My neighbour who is in 8th month of her pregnancy, working with the top consulting firm and even though her first child is not yet born, she is planning for the next one to minimize distortion in her career. “We can plan next child right after 3 months of the birth”. Really, I exclaimed! Please go ahead.
“Yes, my mother did the same. And 2 kids are really important. Tomorrow, we may not be there but our children should have someone as close as us to accompany in their happiness and sorrow. And only a brother and sister can provide such compassion”. And yes I agree to her point. I myself feel blessed to be daughter of my mom who proudly birthed 3 children and without any support was able to raise us and nurtured our childhood with her love, care and we as siblings grew each year as friends. Most of us feel the same.
Even our mind play evil all the time and suggest different philosophies. Earlier I was only focussed on reducing post-pregnancy weight but I do ponder sometimes to plan a second one and then aim for that perfect shape again. But If I consider to wait for a year atleast and then planning next child, this whole thing can consume next 2-3 years atleast and few more for them to turn preschoolers. And what about the biological clock, whether I should have my second baby before I turn 32, 35 will be too late . I do feel severe lower back pain sometimes and my tummy is still bulged out. (needless to say old clothes are far to fit in back). But what about my plans to spend some time with my hubby, when after months of sleepless nights and extreme focus on my child, now I have started to spend some time with him. What about the expenses and can I afford maid to handle my baby while I plan next. And my career that already has taken a setback ( drawback of nuclear family), will it be resumed again. Is my hubby ready for all this, what he thinks? Oh no, what to do? Is second baby really needed?
Sooner or later one may feel the need to have second child and I’m no exception. Most of us have brother and sisters with 2-3 years of age gap and our parents didn’t faced much difficulty raising us. Every generation bear their challenges and comforts but seems today we have started thinking too much or probably we don’t care at all! Many women around me have planned their second child after a gap of 4-5 years and repent now that they should have planned earlier so that both the children could have been raised together ( including my sister). But some find it extremely comfortable with the same situation.
But with all thoughts and doubts, we as a women are full of worries all the time. We worry about every single thing happening around us. May be we should think less and simply go with the flow. Like we plan our first pregnancy, someday our heart will hint us to go for the next and all the other facets will adjust accordingly. Birth planning shouldn’t be a task but part of a happy and healthy life and should be natural. And one should never reciprocate other people’s life with theirs as each family is different.
Till then let us leave our worries behind and spend lovely moments with your only baby. And best of luck for the next one in case you are planning to do so.
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